For those of you who are married/in a relationship ...

[AdamJury]

Perhaps you're failing to see how a one-to-one love can be so strong that there's no room for anyone else?

No, Bill, I absolutely do not fail to see that this is true for some people, and I have never once in this conversation denigrated monogamous relationships or the people that choose to be in them. I am constantly thrilled for my friends and family who are in happy relationships of any type, and I have awesome role models in both traditional and non-traditional relationships.

There is a possibility for virtually anything to happen in my lifespan; and my relationship choices leave me open to those possibilities.

But I do not see a likely scenario where I would want to heavily restrict the freedoms of someone I love, unless they are doing something that harms themselves or others. One thing that I don't think you understand (that's not a knock on you -- if you've never been in the situation, I don't think you _can_ understand it), is: it is amazing to see someone that you love be loved and supported by someone else, too. Knowing that someone you care deeply about has other people willing to do anything for them? Awesome.

(And let's not forget that every monogamous relationship can "remove people" from it, too -- it's called breaking up. The vast majority of relationships, monogamous or not, end in that way -- not in "happily ever after.")

[wildo2ne]

I have Fibro Myalsia and it has slowly been limiting more and more of what I can do. I am single now and I do not go out trying to find someone as I feel it is morally wrong of me to deliberately saddle someone with a known cripple. It is not fair to the other person to burden them with that responsibility

[Shane R. Monroe]

Bill, I had no idea you were such the romantic! Being scientific as you are, it astounds me that you believe in the whole "the one" routine.

It's been proven time and time again scientifically that our genetic make up is not subject to monogamy. In fact, quite the opposite.

The only reason we have relationships is because of our intelligence and ability to adapt to environments we're not suited for. Monogamy is completely POSSIBLE and DOABLE - but it isn't the way we were intended to be. We've been forced that way through social and religious orders.

I've been told this is an excellent book on the topic, although I've yet to read it personally.

A portion of the review from Scientific American (from the above page):

Monogamists, this husband-wife team says, "are going against some of the deepest-seated evolutionary inclinations with which biology has endowed most creatures, Homo sapiens included." Barash, professor of psychology at the University of Washington, and Lipton, a psychiatrist, note how rare monogamy is in the animal kingdom. One could not have been so sure about humans until the advent of DNA fingerprinting, which makes it possible to "specify, with certainty, whether a particular individual is or is not the parent." And a "key point" is that women as well as men stray from monogamous relationships. The argument leads one inevitably to ask why monogamy exists at all and why human societies show such concern about it. Barash and Lipton suggest that it may occur as a means for males to minimize the risk "that someone else's sperm will fertilize the eggs of a given female" and that society's many strictures against adultery arise because monogamy is not automatic "but needs to be enforced and reinforced."

I do not believe there is any such thing as "exact mates" and any relationship can be torn asunder under the right circumstances. Relationships exist for the sole reason that we do everything in our power to keep them existing. That's why I believe people like Bill and many others (including myself) close themselves off - because they realize the potential for disaster is great - as males especially; we tend to answer the door when it gets knocked on.

[Bill_Loguidice]

I completely agree that it's not natural to be monogamous, but then, as humans we have the ability to overcome a lot of the baggage or limitations nature places on us. I also completely agree that just because my wife and I happen to be perfect for each other, others may not be so lucky. I'll also continue to argue though that it's just as likely if one is so willing to share/cheat/leave their loved one, then they're probably not the "one", but then I'm particularly biased in this based on my own reality. It all comes down to what YOU feel is right with relationships. I support people being happy in this one life, so it really doesn't matter what form that ultimately takes (outside of course of something clearly inappropriate, like NAMBLA, where it's easy enough to argue that one party is taking advantage of another).

[AdamJury]

That's why I believe people like Bill and many others (including myself) close themselves off - because they realize the potential for disaster is great - as males especially; we tend to answer the door when it gets knocked on.

There's a big difference between answering that door, and answering that door when you have to sneak out of it quickly before someone sees or hears you. ;-)

[Nectar]

I completely agree that it's not natural to be monogamous, but then, as humans we have the ability to overcome a lot of the baggage or limitations nature places on us.

This ability is part of our nature and is why we've became so successful. Monogamy has existed in societies throughout our history and is no more unnatural than the opposite.