For those of you who are married/in a relationship ...

[Bill_Loguidice]

Then why be depressed about people in open relationships, as you indicated earlier? Either have emotions -- positive and negative -- about other people's relationships, or don't have emotions about them. :-)

I don't know, I think I can certainly feel bad that those people are unable to fully commit to a single person in all ways. To play devil's advocate, I can say that they've never found the right person. To me, finding the right person means being unequivocally devoted to them. There's just no room for dalliances with others. It's not me judging, per se, because like I said, to each their own, but I can certainly choose whether or not I wish to believe they're missing out on something. Certainly advocates for that type of lifestyle can say the same about me. They wouldn't get what I feel is the ideal situation just like I don't get what they surely feel is the ideal situation.

[WorknMan]

I think the two of you are arguing over nothing; it's obvious that you both have a different point of view when it comes to this, and that's ok. I also think the best point of view to have is the one that Bill does.... as in, 'I would never do anything like that, but if it floats your boat, then so be it'. That's called tolerance, and having a respect for others viewpoints; we really need more of that in the world.

As for open relationships, I have a bit of a second-hand perspective on this, as my parents are (or were) swingers; they've been married for 25+ years and still have a great relationship, so I know it can work under the right circumstances. My own perspective on this is that, since I know where to look, I can have pussy delivered to my front door like Chinese food. And once you've banged so many gorgeous 18-21 year-olds, it's like having access to all the online porn you can possibly consume in one lifetime; it's great at first, but gets boring after awhile.

So, I think I'd be content with just one person, unless something happens and she is no longer able to put out. In that case, I wouldn't want to be confined to oral sex and my right hand for the rest of my life. And I wouldn't expect her to go without either. IMHO, it's rather selfish to expect your partner to be celibate forever when you're not able to perform anymore. So, before I ever get married, I think I'd have this talk with her first to make sure we were both on the same page

[AdamJury]

Bill, do you feel the same way about people who choose to be single, long-term?

[Bill_Loguidice]

So, I think I'd be content with just one person, unless something happens and she is no longer able to put out. In that case, I wouldn't want to be confined to oral sex and my right hand for the rest of my life. And I wouldn't expect her to go without either. IMHO, it's rather selfish to expect your partner to be celibate forever when you're not able to perform anymore. So, before I ever get married, I think I'd have this talk with her first to make sure we were both on the same page

Here's where *I'm* coming from and I think a few others on here. What if you were so in love with this person (and that person you) that the very thought of them (or you) being with someone else in ANY intimate manner - let alone sex - was an utterly devastating, soul crushing thought? That's the type of love I'm talking about. You have to leave yourself open to the possibility that you'll be SO in love that you simply can't share, that neither one of you can possibly share.

[AdamJury]

I think the two of you are arguing over nothing; it's obvious that you both have a different point of view when it comes to this, and that's ok. I also think the best point of view to have is the one that Bill does.... as in, 'I would never do anything like that, but if it floats your boat, then so be it'. That's called tolerance, and having a respect for others viewpoints; we really need more of that in the world.

WorknMan, that's my point of view, too. Except I'm not "depressed" when people have monogamous relationships (or no relationship at all) -- I'm happy for them if they are happy. Bill isn't happy for those of us in open relationships. That's still tolerant of him, and if that's the best he can offer, that's fine. But I don't think it's the ideal way to think of people in alternate relationships.

[WorknMan]

WorknMan, that's my point of view, too. Except I'm not "depressed" when people have monogamous relationships (or no relationship at all) -- I'm happy for them if they are happy. Bill isn't happy for those of us in open relationships. That's still tolerant of him, and if that's the best he can offer, that's fine. But I don't think it's the ideal way to think of people in alternate relationships.

Well, it doesn't really matter what he thinks about it, does it? It's kind of like the whole gay marriage thing... even if conservatives as a whole begrudgingly decided to allow it to go on without publicly challenging it, they're still not going to like it and would still consider homosexuals as 'undesirables'. And that's ok. Some people would consider me a sexual deviant because I have actually paid to have sex with females. And that's ok too.

The idea behind tolerance is not that you have to like, or even attempt to understand somebody else's lifestyle choices, but that you have enough respect for others that you're willing to let them do their own thing, and (hopefully) they'll leave you alone so that you can also do yours. Anybody who preaches tolerance while themselves are unwilling to practice it is a hypocrite.

[AdamJury]

Well, it doesn't really matter what he thinks about it, does it?

Ultimately, no. But just like he hopes that people in open relationships snap out of it and find "true love," I hope he snaps out of it and realizes that "true love" isn't the same thing to everyone.

[WorknMan]

Ultimately, no. But just like he hopes that people in open relationships snap out of it and find "true love," I hope he snaps out of it and realizes that "true love" isn't the same thing to everyone.

Of course, you're right. My definition of true love would be finding a chick with no teeth and a flat head that I can rest my beer on hehe, I keed, I keed!

[AdamJury]

I'm sure you can find her ... for a price. ;-)

[Bill_Loguidice]

Ultimately, no. But just like he hopes that people in open relationships snap out of it and find "true love," I hope he snaps out of it and realizes that "true love" isn't the same thing to everyone.

Perhaps you're failing to see how a one-to-one love can be so strong that there's no room for anyone else? I'm not saying you're doing it wrong - far from it as there is no right and wrong in human love - I'm just saying that there's the possibility that if you met a certain person - the mythical "one" - than you may have no desire to be with others. In the case of someone such as myself who already is with that person, there's really no other place to go. People like us can't be any more committed than we are to the person we've chosen to be with. Introducing more people into the relationship simply wouldn't work, whereas someone like you can remove people from the equation. That's all.